The Earrings I Never Wear

I woke up in a good mood this morning. I put on my go-to favorite music (Sara Bareilles) and danced around my room while I picked out an outfit for the day. I decided to pick out clothes that I would feel good in. This led to my first introspective thought of the morning: Why do I sometimes wear clothes I don’t feel good in? What purpose does that serve? These clothes sit in my closet waiting to be worn out of spite because it has been sitting there for so long that I don’t know how to get rid of them. I decided to pick out a pink shirt, because I love pink, and realized I hadn’t worn this shirt in a while because I was afraid it was too loud.. too girlish… too much.

Now I am wearing it and I feel great. I then went to my jewelry and realized I had so many earrings that I loved and stopped wearing. Why do I have them if they are just going to take up space in my jewelry box? Am I saving them for vacations or for that one special occasion… or can I permit myself to wear them on a workday? Confession: I am wearing them now. :D

I have been going through some changes and feel it internally, torn between two Edies, one that wants to keep doing what I have always done, and one that wants to change. I want to be free-spirited and explorative but I also want to be focused and in control. There is a tug between my mind and my heart. Maybe it is just Sara Bareillis's deep songs that got me feeling like this, but I feel ready to change in certain ways but also afraid I am pushing myself to change too much in too many directions that I’m overriding parts of my identity I love. I love wearing fun earrings and I don’t want to get rid of them. I also don’t want them to collect dust in my jewelry box. They bring me joy when I wear them.

The Marie Kondo method taught me about the joy of things, and using the feeling of joy to decide what to keep and throw away. However, I realize I struggle with acknowledging what brings me joy. How do people know? Is it a feeling you get when you interact with something? And if that’s the case, maybe I first need to work on being open to receiving that joy and letting it in. Then, be attentive to what does (and does not) bring joy. I need to (gently & slowly) get rid of stuff that is not bringing me joy. I know my fun earrings bring me joy.

The conclusion of my morning thoughts: I want to wear all of the special earrings I have not worn recently. Looking at them, I remember the stories of how they came about. I was gifted them or bought them in Colombia, Thailand, or another traveling destination. I am excited to pick out the earrings of the day and match them to my mood. These little things set the tone to be open to joy. Step by step, as I continue to explore this push-and-pull dynamic of my internal thoughts and personality, I can find little ways to stabilize my personality… starting with wearing my cute fun earrings again.