What I Explored in April
In April I worked hard towards a deadline and pulled an all-nighter with my colleagues (who are also my family members). I experienced what it is like to work with family and to still work towards that shared goal even when we get on each other’s nerves. I explored planning a trip for a client, after finally becoming a travel agent (my dream). I explored not drinking alcohol for a month. I explored fun activities with people I love, like taking my grandmother bowling and playing pickleball with my partner, for both of our first times. But most importantly, I explored maintaining a healthy balance between work and play.
This month was a lot of family time, considering I work with family, but it was also filled with quality activities that made us laugh and helped to relax a bit, after working a lot.
My family is full of hard workers. Growing up with my mom I was exposed to a strong work ethic that showed me the value of working countless hours towards something. To this day, my mom still works daily and around the clock, only taking a break when she needs to. Because of that, I followed in her footsteps and since going to college, I have constantly found activities and jobs to busy myself with. I enjoy the constant workflow and demand to keep productive. The downside of this is that I find it challenging to relax. The past 6 years I have worked hard in my various jobs until I burnt out and decided to leave my teaching position in NYC because I was unhappy and felt like I could not shake that feeling, no matter how hard I tried. The first thing I did when the school year ended last year was lay in my room and do activities that brought me joy but felt like I did not have time prior. I watched YouTube videos, talked on the phone with a friend, organized my room, and looked at old pictures. I had more free time and mental space to start doing things I enjoyed again. At that moment, I realized I needed a job that gave me a challenging goal to work towards, but also the space to take breaks and enjoy other aspects of life and not feel guilty about it.
Now that I work with my mom in her office, I still work hard, and occasionally long days, but I have more of a balance. I feel great. However, I see my mom still pulled into her constant work demands and it hurts to see it because I want to support her and work hard with her but I also have been working on respecting and maintaining my boundaries and stopping when I feel burnt out. I burned out easily from my previous job and I do not want that to happen again. But I feel lazy and inconsiderate when I choose to stop working when I feel ready to stop and she is still working.
One of my mom’s clients mentioned to me the other day that this ‘new generation’ “just does not work as hard”, and I nodded in agreement. But I wonder if that is such a bad thing. I envy people who seemingly complete tasks quickly and move on to the next thing. Those who do not think too much about the task or worry about taking all the right actions. They do what they can and move on to the next thing. My mom has so much passion for what she does, so much so, that she overcommits herself to tasks and gets more demand for the quality work she does, but then cannot serve everyone. I have also heard the phrase and suggestion to “work smarter, not harder”. And that has been the expression I have been trying to channel through this all. It is still important to do the work but most importantly to be consistent and take breaks when you need it.
When I took on this client for the travel business I was hoping to start, I knew I was in over my head. She wanted to go to Greece and Turkey, two places I had never been to, and she had a different travel style than mine. Nonetheless, she put her faith in me to plan this trip and I was ready to do the best I could to plan what she wanted. The planning of the trip ended up taking a lot more time than I anticipated, a total of 12+ hours of work. The trip did go through and I made commissions off the hotels I booked for her so of course I was happy that it all worked out. And my client was pleased with what we put together. But through it all, I realized that once again, I was spending so much time with one client, the same thing my mom does in her business that I try to advise her against.
So I explored what could be a healthy balance, between working hard enough for something but also taking a break and time for yourself when needed.
So April was a busy work month, but I made sure to plan leisure activities with people I enjoy spending time with, including my mom, and pulling her out of her office. I took my grandmother bowling! And that felt good watching her enjoy an activity she felt she could participate in.
Finally, I explored going sober for a month. Maybe I just picked a good month for it because it was busy with work and not so social, but I did not feel inclined to drink (except for one night celebrating being asked to be a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding). I did not miss it and, the one day I did cheat and drink, I had stomach pains that night, and the next day I wondered why I caved in. I will not stop drinking completely, but the pause raised my attention to the comfort I had in drinking when out with friends and not paying attention to how it made my body feel.
This month I was reminded how perfectionism is an evil thing and one of the biggest barriers to accomplishment. I have to remind myself, "Who cares about the outcome?” As long as I show up and do the work, I feel good about myself. I am learning throughout the process. Now I just need to figure out how to get my mom to see that too and inspire her to get the rest she needs and set boundaries to do so.
Next month I am taking off for Peru! It will be an interesting change to the routine I have been working on, but I am going to work on incorporating parts of this changing mindset there and continue my workflow but with a different perspective.
