What I Explored in January
January is a contemplative, optimistic month, with a new year beginning and resolutions starting. This year my January was especially contemplative as I returned from a prolonged travel experience, in Asia and Switzerland, and prepared for life changes at home. The month started slowly. I was not ready to move on from exciting travels and immediately settle back into my life in New Jersey. I took my time to unpack, prepare souvenir gifts for friends, and fill my calendar with social plans. I daydreamed about traveling again to a new place. But eventually, it was time to start working again.
I was working for my mom (in accounting/tax) for a few months before traveling and knew I would return for the next tax year. This took many adjustments. For example, I had to get used to a work season starting in January. When I was a teacher for six years in NYC my work season would start in September at the start of school. The tax profession is very different from the world of teaching, and of course, this took a brain switch to prepare myself for the tax world. I also moved from NYC working in a school, to NJ working in my mom’s house.
I used to sleep in guest houses and hostels during my travels but now I find myself living at my mom's place, along with my 92-year-old grandmother... What a plot twist! Most of my friends either live on their own or with their significant other so sometimes I feel like I am moving backward. But while living here, I get to spend quality time with family and support my grandmother who has dementia, finding ways to connect.
As the month comes to an end, I enjoy reflecting on all the different parts of January and how they connect. I went from skiing in the Alps of Switzerland to bringing my grandmother to Panera Bread for pastries. As my mind scrambles to catch up with the now, here is my synthesis of all the things I explored and how they affected me:
Traveling with a significant other
When I started to write this post I read the title of this section to my boyfriend (Pascal) and he said, “Significant other,” what’s that supposed to mean? Pascal is from Switzerland and we enjoy sharing our different cultures whether that’s new phrases, lifestyles, or unique foods. Pascal planned a beautiful 3-week vacation in Switzerland that included a glacier express train through the Alps, sledding in Zermatt, hiking around ski towns, and staying in some charming hotels. It was stunning, and I was grateful that I could travel with a significant other. I struggled with relationships in the past, particularly the commitment part, so dating someone this long is new for me and now that I learned that I can do it, AND enjoy it, I revel in the intricacies of traveling with a partner. This includes deepening my connection with someone I love and appreciate, creating shared memories, and providing opportunities for learning and growing together.
Connecting with someone who has dementia
My grandmother is 92 and dementia started to kick in last year. She was always helpful around the house, doing much of the housework such as taking out the garbage and laundry. But that became harder with the onset of dementia. I want to connect with her because I know it’s important to cherish relationships, especially with loved ones whose time shouldn’t be taken for granted. But it is difficult to have a conversation as she will forget what she said a minute ago. As anyone who has someone with dementia in their family knows, it can get frustrating. She repeats the same sentence over and over and asks the same questions. But she also is more innocent and gentle, knowing that she forgets even if she doesn’t want to admit it. I realized that connecting with someone who has dementia requires patience, empathy, and a genuine effort to understand their unique reality. I decided to explore methods of creating shared joy within a comfortable environment. I play around with silliness and being more present, dancing or singing or making fun of something we are saying and laughing more. I asked her to play a board game, trouble. And when she played differently, I let go of my urge to correct it. I realized how important it was just to be present and adapt to her needs. It is great to see the joy in her eyes even if it is just a moment and then she forgets.
Working in accounting
When I left my teaching job last year, I agreed to take on an admin role for my mom’s accounting business. The timing was right and I appreciated the opportunity for flexibility and a chance to work on side projects (like this blog!). The fields are quite different and it’s taken an adjustment to go from hearing the words “culturally responsive curriculum”, and “engaging lesson plans” to “filing 1099s”, and “taxable income”. There are good and bad in any career I’m sure, and while I find accounting to be a bit more… mundane than my teaching jobs, I find it to be a helpful profession in a world where we’ll always have to pay taxes. Also, working together with my mom helps me to get to know her in different ways. I see how she interacts with her clients and juggles multiple tasks in one day, always looking for ways to save her clients money. There are challenging moments but also great moments where we work as a team. Does anyone else work with a family member? I am going to do another blog post about what it is like to work with my mom… :D
Planning a trip
One day I would like to organize and lead travel trips to different places. It has been a dream for a while, but I never thought about how to start and did not have the time to plan it. This year with my new flexibility, I decided I could experiment with planning trips for others and see how it goes. I knew I wanted to take my boyfriend on another skiing adventure after our Switzerland trip. So I started looking for places and thinking of dates. After researching Airbnbs and the best mountains for a range of levels, I found the perfect place. I was admittedly worried about my ability to fill the house, not sure about how many people would commit. But while reaching out to people who I thought might be interested, I was surprised by how many people wanted to join along. Even people who don’t ski want to join. People like to get out and do things. And of course, it’s easier when it’s already planned to join along. I enjoy bringing people together and planning this trip was an awesome way to do that. I will create another post about this skiing weekend… lookout for that one!
Boundaries
With all of the other things I explored this month, I decided to explore my boundaries. I was never good at setting them because I thought it was mean to tell people no. After meeting my boyfriend, he taught me the importance of setting boundaries by gently explaining his boundaries to me and I saw how this helped to maintain our healthy relationship and personal well-being. Setting clear boundaries allows people to communicate their needs and limits, bringing them closer to a mutual understanding. I remembered all the times I experienced burnout and stress because I took on more than I could handle. So I explored listening to myself and my needs, practicing boundaries by saying no… and not feeling guilty about it.
I am curious to know if anyone has shared experiences with the above. A big part of the reason I wanted to start blogging was to connect with people on topics that I find interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts (publicly or privately) on any of these points. Connect with me and let’s explore together!
